Monday, September 04, 2006


It's sad when anyone dies (except Hitler or Ted Bundy). I find it especially sad when a father of young children passes away, having lost my own father when I was ten. I feel bad for Steve Irwin and his family. I liked the guy even though he was a freakin' nut job. I would watch his show and scream at the T.V. "What the hell are you doing you manic? Are you hopped up on pep pills or something? That's a Freakin' Cobra!" Hell I even watched his Movie and really enjoyed it.

I remember the first time I saw the Crocodile Hunter, it was around 1996 and it was on a clip show of TV bloopers. The clip was from an Australian Kids show and Steve was the guest. He was standing there with some weird looking purple muppet thing and a full grown lady dressed as the Tooth Fairy. Mr. Irwin had a python (God I hate Freakin' snakes, which made watching him all the more maddening.) draped around his neck and was explaining to the muppet and the Fairy that the python was not "scared of me righat nowa (the following and preceding misspellings are meant to represent an Australian accent), so he's not gonna biate me.", then I watched as the Snakes head went inside Steve's shirt near his collar and its body started to tense up and twist. Then he explained "Alrighat, he's biting me righat nowa and it reaaaly hurts." At that point both the muppet and the fairy's jaws dropped and they both started backing away slowly (much like the Kool-Aid Man did after breaking through the Courthouse wall in the first episode of The Family Guy). The look on the muppet's face is priceless. I will always remember that clip as the first and only time I have actually seen human emotion on the the face of a muppet. And that emotion my friends was that of Pure Fear.

But when it comes to the Death of the Crocodile Hunter I feel much the same as I did when my hero Hunter S. Thompson took his own life, saddened by the news but not the least bit shocked. I mean c'mon man, he's been dancing on the Razor's edge for years. It's a miracle he's lasted this long. The one thing that did shock me was that he died by being stung by a Sting Ray. Morgan and I swam with them on our honeymoon and they are normally docile creatures, like puppy dogs. They don't usually sting unless you step square on their back. And that usually makes them slash that barb in your leg. So it just leaves me scratching my head a bit as to how it got him in the chest.

Well at least the man died doing what he loved, how many people can say that? Well none....because they're all dead.

Rest in Peace Crocodile Hunter.


Haben Sie Gehort Das Deutsche Band ?

Mit a bang, Mit a boom, Mit a bing-bang bing-bang boom!

Last week we went to the German Fest in Oregon. No not home. The next city over to the East of Toledo is named Oregon. Only everyone out here pronounces it (Or-ah-gone). It's really freakin' annoying.

They festival was by far the best one that we've been to all summer. But the weirdest thing was the Living Hummel Look Alike Contest.

Little kids would dress up as Hummel Figurines and then they would go on stage and hold the pose of that sculpture for a minute.

The place was packed and everyone was really into it, I almost got mowed down by a stage mom when her daughter forgot a prop.

I have to admit, it really was quite amazing to see a two year old sit completely still and silent for a full minute.

Every kid had a little back story. The Announcer would come on the PA system and say things like, ''This is Lilly. She has one older brother and one younger sister. She likes taking care of her puppy Frodo and Bratz Dolls. She is Hummel Figurine number 275, 'Sweeping and Wishing'. This Hummel was original sculpted in 1940 by Hans Marken. It was only made available to Deluxe Hummel Collectors."

The whole thing was very "Stepford" and a little creepy, but they seemed to enjoy it and we made it out alive, so it's all good.


Top Thrill Scared To Death!

A couple of weeks ago we went to Cedar Point in Sandusky. Cedar point is constantly being named the best amusement park for roller coasters in the world. They Boast a lot of record breakers

Now I love roller coasters, but I have to admit even I was a little intimidated by the heights and speeds of some of these monsters.

Even my old favorites of the Stand Up and Hanging coaster varieties where no match for what I was about to experience. Their Stand up coaster, the Mantis, made me loose my voice on the initial drop, it was that intense.

Never have I wanted to back out of riding a coaster. That is until I met the Top Thrill Dragster.
The Dragster is not so much a roller coaster as it is a force of nature. The ride goes from 0 to 120mph in under 4 seconds ( it actually fells more like half a second). You are then shot straight up 90 degrees hitting a corkscrew just as you are about to slowly crest 420 feet in the air. Then as you crest (Oh yeah there was a warning sign that sometimes the coaster doesn't make it over the hump and you roll back down backwards to the starting position. If that happened to me I would probably have a heart attack, I don't do backwards coasters.) you are sent straight down towards the earth again reaching 120mph. The whole ride lasts about 17 seconds.
One of the worst parts was of waiting an hour to go on the ride is watching the thing take off over and over, it really messes with your head.

I felt like backing out several times, especially the closer we got to the front of the line. Even as I was getting into the car I could envision myself jumping up and saying "That's it. No way! I'm out!" The fact that my hands were shaking so hard I barely got my seat belt buckled, and I was envisioning not being able to get it latched before take off and seeing myself tumbling 420 feet didn't help maters either.

The take off is what it must feel like to be a bullet flying out of a .357, it's so intense. After that it's all gravy. Once you start to go straight up it's a blast. Then going straight down your so pumped with adrenaline your just screaming "Yeah alright." I only peed a little bit.

Did I mention it's the fastest and tallest roller coaster in the world?

On Wednesday of that week I sent a reporter to Cedar Point. He did a report on a 78 year old man, with a Pacemaker, who was riding it at least 2 times a day throughout the month of August. You can watch the report HERE.

I don't see how he can do it. I think I would have trouble getting back on it even one more time. Did I mention that even though I love roller coasters, I hate heights? Ironic isn't it.



Yipes! Oddities in Ohio

And now for a page from "Ohio's Still Freakin' Weird"

Okay I know that's a Michigan plate, but we saw it on the way to Cedar Point, And Michigan is pretty freakin' weird too. I wonder why this guy just doesn't put a billboard on the side of his truck that says "Hey Cops! I probably got a Glock in here. Is it registered? Probably, but you're going to have to pull me over to find out for sure, and so I can bitch to you about my second amendment rights being violated while you're checking it out. Then I'll go home and blog all about it on the NRA boards. Did I mention I'm a veteran? Is this anyway to treat a Veteran?"

On the Way Back from Cedar point Morgan and I stopped by the Davis-Besse Nuclear Power Plant to pose for some pics. This is about a half an hour from our home. Did I mention that Ella has started to grow a third Arm out of here back? So her college is paid for right there, so that's good.

When we stopped to to take the Pics we were in the Parking lot of a little store, a drive-thru store. I mean you literally have the option to park and then walk inside or drive through the middle of the store to do your shopping.

It seems like it could be mildly convenient, maybe on some level, but in the end I'm guessing it's just a big hassle for the driver and the clerk "No not those chips the ones next to them. No up one. No over the other way now to your left. Oh and a two dollar lottery scratcher too."



Those Wacky Swede's

Three weeks ago we took a trip up to Canton MI to visit this regions only Ikea. If you've never been I highly recommend it you won't forget the experience.

We left early in the morning because it's just about an hour drive and we were going up on weekend. Good thing we did too, the place was packed. I somehow managed to find one of the last parking spots at the very far end of the parking lot. When we left at the end of our shopping experience, we had three cars jockeying for our space. It was like sharks circling. I just wanted to get my family out of there before the mini van soccer moms started to rumble. They'll cut you man.

Inside is nuts. There are so many people you can hardly move, even though the place is like 5 Costcos put together.

The first thing we did was ate (that's right they have a restaurant inside too, and the food is fantastic). I had the roast beef with potato salad. It was delicious and the portions were huge, and get this the whole thing cost 2.99. I hear breakfast is a big hit because you get scrambled eggs, 2 bacon strips or pork sausage and home fries for only 99 cents.

Then we went exploring, the place is huge. It's like a Maze once you enter, and they run everyone through it like rats. Elliot and I had to stop and rest on the fine display furniture.

We tried to see if she would take a nap in a huge mound of Sheepskin rugs, but she was too exited

We got out of there with a bevy of items including a new computer desk for under 40 bucks (which is what we went up there for in the first place) and Ella got this crazy thingy like you see in the doctor's office to play with.

You know these things right? They're usually tucked back in the corner in the little "Children's play area" with broken fisher price knockoffs from 20 years ago and books with no covers with crayon writing all over the insides. There's also usually a little plastic table with two little chairs. You know what I'm talking about....right? Anyway Ella loves the Thing.

We were not able to get through the whole store because Ella was getting tired. So after spending about two hours in there we had to make a B-line for the desks and get the heck out of there. There was a White Castle across the street so we were able to grab some Slyders for the ride home.....Sweet!