Thursday, December 28, 2006


I mean come on....WTF??? Are those dogs real? What's with the creepy Popeye Japanese chick?

BTW had a great Christmas....But WTF???? Seriously?


A really freaked out CS

Poodles are hell's minions....along with wiener dogs...those things are just freaky.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Made It!

Well I went to the airport in Detroit yesterday for my flight out to Portland. When I got up to the counter Brian Erickson, the man behind the United counter said, "Your flight's for tomorrow". My face and spirits sunk. The woman on the phone the day before told me that my flight was for Thursday.

Brian said "Let me see what I can do", and was somehow able to get me a non-stop flight to Portland on Northwest Airlines. Seems some guy in first class was unable to go because of work and I got his seat. Sweet! Jonny 5 chastised me for not taking advantage of the free booze and just having the sodie pop, but my flight was like at 9am. As I was walking away from the counter to run to the plane a reporter for the local Detroit NBC station interviewed me about how the Blizzard in Denver affected my travel plans for Christmas. They used a SOT from me on their noon show, and someone at work told me that the VO of me made the national NBC News Channel feeds. Funny.

The flight was OK but I probably shouldn't have watched that DVD of Mission Impossible 3 on the flight though. Like I've said before I'm not to particularly found of flying and every time there was an intense scene and we'd hit some turbulence or drop a little in altitude I'd panic a little.

When I got to Portland Morgan and Ella where waiting for me by the gate. Then we were interviewed by KATU, the Portland ABC affiliate. That story turned out to be a full on package of how we had a "Family Holiday Miracle" with me actually getting a flight out before Christmas and all. Heh...again funny. It's weird to be on the other side of the camera.

Well, I'm just glad I'm here. Let's hope that the trip back is just uneventful.


Ohh, on a side note. Gus Van Sant was arrested for DUII while I'm in Portland. Sweet!

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Stupid Snow!

Last year snow was the bane of my existence. I even ended up getting in a little accident. No biggie just me involved, but it could have been a lot worse really fast. This year we've been lucky, no snow yet (Knock Wood), but today Snow in another state screwed up my itinerary.

I got a call this morning at about 6am. A recorded voice saying that my flight out of Detroit had been canceled. Back track for a sec, Morgan and Elliott already flew out to Portland on Saturday. So I got on the phone and began the painstaking task of actually trying to speak with a living human. When I would finally get to the point where the little recorded voice, who I wanted to kill, would say "All right let me transfer you to an agent" the call would disconnect. This happened about 12 times, maybe more.

Finally at around 11am it rang through after the voice told me it was transferring me. I was immediately placed on hold. I was able to shower, shave, do the dishes and finish packing while I was on hold. After being on hold for 39 minutes and 33 seconds I was finally able to talk to a person. It seems that Denver will be hit with a pretty bad blizzard today so they are going to be canceling all flights in and out. Denver just happens to be where I change flights. The next flight they could book me on was from Detroit to Chicago then to Portland tomorrow.

I'm really pissed off. Even though I hate to fly, I couldn't wait to get back to Portland and see Morgan and Ella.

I'm going to post this video of Elliott to cheer myself up.

A couple of weeks ago Ella wouldn't let me put her down. She wouldn't get upset if I tried or anything she just wouldn't let go and kept her little legs clamped around my waist. She usually likes to watch me play Guitar Hero on PS2, so I decided to play it to see if she would get down and sit on the floor and watch me play, like she usually does.

Nope, she just kept holding on and watched me play.

I played three songs before I got tired and had to quit playing.

I also snapped this pic of her last weekend. She was rolling around on the couch acting cute so I had to grab the camera.

The other day she picked up her pajamas and slipped one arm in a sleeve by herself. Then she decided to put the rest of the pajamas on top of her head and walk around like that.

That's my silly little baby!

Hopefully I'll see her in Portland tomorrow.



Monday, November 27, 2006

Down In the 'Nati

A couple of weeks ago I made my way down to Cincinnati for my third overnight trip down there ( I didn't blog about the second trip because too many laws were broken that weekend and quite frankly I don't remember most of what happened).

The weekend promised to be a wild one. Hortor was throwing my buddy Jonny 5 a going away party. Jon took a job in Washington and will be leaving this week. So Jon, his fiance Jane, and KFC (our buddy from work) and I headed down to the Queen city for one hell of a send off bash. Morgan and Ella went to visit her best friend Angela that weekend, so as not to bring the baby along for all of the drunken debauchery.

Horton recently got a new place up on Mt. Adams with his brother, 'Little Hort' who just moved to the 'Nati. It's right across the street from Crowley's, which incidentally is where Hortor used to live right next door too a couple of years ago. Hortor's new bedroom has a view of his old apartment.

Little Hort, Hortor, Jonny and myself went to the radio station to do Hortor's Saturday night show. It was a blast. This was the second time I had done the show, and it was just as fun as the first time if not more fun.

Little Hort co-hosts the show with Hortor and Jon and I were the guests. The listeners were told that the show had accidentally been double booked and that Jon was a representative from the Butterball Hot line and he was there to talk about preparing your Thanksgiving bird.

I was an impressionist that had been on the "David Letterman Show" the week before during Impressionist Week, and I was performing across the river in Kentucky later that night. Every time Jon would try to tell them how to prepare the turkey I would jump in as Gilbert Gottfried, Norm McDonald, Christopher Walkin, or Sean Connery. The Show was pre-taped so there were a lot of takes, due too hysterical fits of laughter. Speaking of which, at the halfway point we were treated to Hortor's WD Dance, where Hortor actually sprays WD 40 on himself in order to loosen his joints allowing him to bust a move. Please to enjoy.

After we taped the show we all went over to Jimmy's House to watch the big Ohio State/Michigan game. There was much beer and Jimmy made a hell of a brisket. The Hortor Bros. brought a crock pot half full of chili that they cooked up. Why only half full, because the night before Steve decided to test out the chili to make sure it was okay and ended up putting about half of it away. I didn't get any.

After Ohio won, we went back to Hortor's for the going away party. The radio show was on the air by this time and when we were in the middle of conversations we'd stop and run to the stereo, and say "Listen to this part it's really funny". Jimmy called us "narcissistic boners".

Here's a shot of Jon, Jimmy and Jane hanging out near the Keg.

Hortor had this Spatula that was crafted in Hell in his Kitchen, It's good for omelets.

Hortor gave me that hat that I'm wearing. Minutes after we arrived he said, "This hat is now yours, and you have to wear it to the party tonight. That's the new rule. Every time you come to the 'Nati, you get a new hat."

Last time I was there he gave me a Cincinnati Reds baseball cap. I love that hat.

The Hortor Bros. have the largest collection of Aviator Sunglasses that I've ever seen. These boys really love "Top Gun".

Speaking of Aviators. Jimmy gave me a demonstration of what he sounds like when he's giving in cabin flight announcement as he's cruising through the friendly sky's.

Hortor also invited Pop/R&B singer Josh Hoge and his guitarist Steve Miller to the party. Nice guys, I bugged them for a while talking about the different kind of bands that I like, The Gimmie Gimmies and Ween for instance.

Funny thing, after the party had been going for a while one of the guests who came later came up to Hortor and said. "I was listening to your radio show tonight. How did you get that guy from David Letterman? He was funny." Ha!

After much jubilation, everyone went over to the Wine Bar, I went in for about a minute but decided to go back to Hortor's and crash, I was pretty wiped and I'm old. I was asleep on the hide-a-bed upstairs when at about 4 or 5 AM I heard music coming from down stairs.

I went downstairs and The Hortors were down there with two guests from the party, one of them had a guitar and was cranking out all kinds of Music. At this point Jon, Jane and KFC were all crashed out upstairs. I sat down and grabbed a beer and rallied for about another hour.

For some reason Little Hort started handing out the rest of the plastic drink cups.

The Next thing I knew the room turned into a sea of green plastic and uncontrollable laughter as cups flew everywhere. The guy with the guitar ran out of the room clutching it the whole time screaming something about "three thousand dollars".
After that I was done and went back upstairs and hit the sack.
All in all a another great trip down to the 'Nati.

On the way back I was finally able to take a picture of "Big Butter Jesus" as we passed by it.




Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Happy "Creepy" Turkey Day!

A couple of weeks ago I was sitting at the news desk typing away at my computer. I got up to go do something and when I turned around I saw what seemed to be an infant stuffed inside a roasted turkey on one of the television monitors behind me.

I instantly did a double take I wasn't sure what I was looking at. Then the shot changed and the camera revealed several babies dressed as cooked food items. All laid out on serving platters.

Notice the empty Caesar Salad costume off to the side. That baby smartly went into hysterics and saved himself from having to go onto national television dressed as lettuce and croutons.

As I continued to watch on horrified, I realized I was watching "Martha Stewart Living" and that for some reason the guest thought that this was a" good Idea" and decided to share her gift of dressing up babies as scruptous food stuffs. It was like a page out of Hansel and Gretal.

It seems that she got the Idea when she dressed as Martha for Halloween last year, and decided to get her baby in on the act by dressing him up as a perfectly cooked "Butterball". I just think it's messed up man.

By far the most disturbing was this little Suri Cruise look alike who was passed out (oh god I hope the little nipper was passed out) inside an apple pie with a serving knife on top of it. The little peanuts' lifeless little body really creeped me out.

Anyway Sweet dreams.



Friday, November 17, 2006

She's Walking!!!!!

She's Walking, She's Walking, She's Walking, She's Walking!!!!!!

Nuff said?



Sunday, November 12, 2006

Ella's First B-Day Party

Last Month was Ella's Birthday. I've finally gotten around to editing her birthday party video and posting it.

I hate the was my voice sounds on the video, plus I do this weird thing where I laugh and then suck the air back in, passing through my cheeks so it makes a stupid noise. I hate it when I hear myself make that noise.

We've also have hit another milestone in the last couple of weeks, ELLA HAS STARTED TO WALK! Just a couple of steps at a time, but she has made it about 4 feet a couple of times. I haven't been able to get any pics or video of her doing it yet, but I will keep trying.


Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Happy Hallowen!

Here are some choice shots of my little gremlin as a punk rock girl. Check out the Faux Hawk!

And them Sesame Street shoes is vintage brotha' how about that? Her Mommy wore them back in the day. They even have Little Bird on them (I think he's dead now, no one has seen him in about fifteen years).



Thursday, October 12, 2006

Happy Birthday

I can't believe my little baby girl is one year old today. To think last year at this time I was holding her in my arms for the very fist time. Thinking back I think I was wearing the same orange fleece that I wore all day today, weird. There's nothing else like her in this whole world. I love her and her Mommy so very much. I'm the luckiest guy ever.


Sunday, October 08, 2006

Mmmmmmm Braaaaiiiinnnnsss

Last Week we went to Evansville Indiana for Morgan's Grandmother's 80th birthday. While we were there I feasted on a brain sandwich. That's right a sandwich that was 100% fried pig's brain's.

Now why on earth would any sane person want to scarf down a sandwich consisting of a hamburger bun, 6 bread and butter pickle slices and a humongous swine brain? Well (a) I'm not sane, anyone who knows me could tell you that, and secondly it all started with a T.V. show.

Morgan and I were watching Alton Brown's show this summer 'Feasting On Asphalt' on the Food Network. In the show Alton Drives all over the country on a motorcycle looking for the best "road food" places.

In the second episode he went to the Hill Top Inn in Evansville for the soul purpose of dining on a Brain Sandwich. After watching the show, I knew I had to have one, even though he didn't seem to enjoy it all that much. I just wanted to eat one just so that I could say that I ate brains.

The thing was monstrous. It didn't even fit on the little Wonder Bread bun that it was served on. It didn't taste awful or anything. In fact it kinda tasted like chicken liver, and I love chicken liver. It was very rich though so it was a little hard to scarf down. Ella didn't like it. That's right I fed some to Ella, now when she's a teenager and she does something that ticks me off I can tell her I fed her brains as a baby. She spit it out though. Morgan and her sister kept fighting back gags and just kept shaking their heads.

Would I eat another one? Sure like I said it wasn't bad. Plus the way I look at it, when the Zombies start walking the earth, I'm in the clear because they'll be able to sense that I have eaten brains and will think that I'm one of their own.



Fun In The Midwest

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Also, while we were visiting the Hoosier state, we were able to have a little family birthday party for my sweet little girl. She'll be 1 year old on the 12 (sniff sniff). Here she is opening a kitty cat quilt that grandma made for her.

It was a very nice family get together Morgan's parents, and grandparents were there along with her sister aunt Katy.

One day while Morgan was out shopping Ella and I went to downtown Evansville and had some ice cream. She really liked that and was the hit of the parlor. There were two little 3 year old twin girls that were just fascinated with her. That's my girl, she's a superstar.

When we left the shop I was pushing her along in her stroller and when we turned a corner we ran smack dab into the middle of a press conference with all the local news stations covering it. That's the kinda thing that would only happen to me, I can't even take a vacation with out just stumbling upon news.



Monday, September 04, 2006


It's sad when anyone dies (except Hitler or Ted Bundy). I find it especially sad when a father of young children passes away, having lost my own father when I was ten. I feel bad for Steve Irwin and his family. I liked the guy even though he was a freakin' nut job. I would watch his show and scream at the T.V. "What the hell are you doing you manic? Are you hopped up on pep pills or something? That's a Freakin' Cobra!" Hell I even watched his Movie and really enjoyed it.

I remember the first time I saw the Crocodile Hunter, it was around 1996 and it was on a clip show of TV bloopers. The clip was from an Australian Kids show and Steve was the guest. He was standing there with some weird looking purple muppet thing and a full grown lady dressed as the Tooth Fairy. Mr. Irwin had a python (God I hate Freakin' snakes, which made watching him all the more maddening.) draped around his neck and was explaining to the muppet and the Fairy that the python was not "scared of me righat nowa (the following and preceding misspellings are meant to represent an Australian accent), so he's not gonna biate me.", then I watched as the Snakes head went inside Steve's shirt near his collar and its body started to tense up and twist. Then he explained "Alrighat, he's biting me righat nowa and it reaaaly hurts." At that point both the muppet and the fairy's jaws dropped and they both started backing away slowly (much like the Kool-Aid Man did after breaking through the Courthouse wall in the first episode of The Family Guy). The look on the muppet's face is priceless. I will always remember that clip as the first and only time I have actually seen human emotion on the the face of a muppet. And that emotion my friends was that of Pure Fear.

But when it comes to the Death of the Crocodile Hunter I feel much the same as I did when my hero Hunter S. Thompson took his own life, saddened by the news but not the least bit shocked. I mean c'mon man, he's been dancing on the Razor's edge for years. It's a miracle he's lasted this long. The one thing that did shock me was that he died by being stung by a Sting Ray. Morgan and I swam with them on our honeymoon and they are normally docile creatures, like puppy dogs. They don't usually sting unless you step square on their back. And that usually makes them slash that barb in your leg. So it just leaves me scratching my head a bit as to how it got him in the chest.

Well at least the man died doing what he loved, how many people can say that? Well none....because they're all dead.

Rest in Peace Crocodile Hunter.


Haben Sie Gehort Das Deutsche Band ?

Mit a bang, Mit a boom, Mit a bing-bang bing-bang boom!

Last week we went to the German Fest in Oregon. No not home. The next city over to the East of Toledo is named Oregon. Only everyone out here pronounces it (Or-ah-gone). It's really freakin' annoying.

They festival was by far the best one that we've been to all summer. But the weirdest thing was the Living Hummel Look Alike Contest.

Little kids would dress up as Hummel Figurines and then they would go on stage and hold the pose of that sculpture for a minute.

The place was packed and everyone was really into it, I almost got mowed down by a stage mom when her daughter forgot a prop.

I have to admit, it really was quite amazing to see a two year old sit completely still and silent for a full minute.

Every kid had a little back story. The Announcer would come on the PA system and say things like, ''This is Lilly. She has one older brother and one younger sister. She likes taking care of her puppy Frodo and Bratz Dolls. She is Hummel Figurine number 275, 'Sweeping and Wishing'. This Hummel was original sculpted in 1940 by Hans Marken. It was only made available to Deluxe Hummel Collectors."

The whole thing was very "Stepford" and a little creepy, but they seemed to enjoy it and we made it out alive, so it's all good.


Top Thrill Scared To Death!

A couple of weeks ago we went to Cedar Point in Sandusky. Cedar point is constantly being named the best amusement park for roller coasters in the world. They Boast a lot of record breakers

Now I love roller coasters, but I have to admit even I was a little intimidated by the heights and speeds of some of these monsters.

Even my old favorites of the Stand Up and Hanging coaster varieties where no match for what I was about to experience. Their Stand up coaster, the Mantis, made me loose my voice on the initial drop, it was that intense.

Never have I wanted to back out of riding a coaster. That is until I met the Top Thrill Dragster.
The Dragster is not so much a roller coaster as it is a force of nature. The ride goes from 0 to 120mph in under 4 seconds ( it actually fells more like half a second). You are then shot straight up 90 degrees hitting a corkscrew just as you are about to slowly crest 420 feet in the air. Then as you crest (Oh yeah there was a warning sign that sometimes the coaster doesn't make it over the hump and you roll back down backwards to the starting position. If that happened to me I would probably have a heart attack, I don't do backwards coasters.) you are sent straight down towards the earth again reaching 120mph. The whole ride lasts about 17 seconds.
One of the worst parts was of waiting an hour to go on the ride is watching the thing take off over and over, it really messes with your head.

I felt like backing out several times, especially the closer we got to the front of the line. Even as I was getting into the car I could envision myself jumping up and saying "That's it. No way! I'm out!" The fact that my hands were shaking so hard I barely got my seat belt buckled, and I was envisioning not being able to get it latched before take off and seeing myself tumbling 420 feet didn't help maters either.

The take off is what it must feel like to be a bullet flying out of a .357, it's so intense. After that it's all gravy. Once you start to go straight up it's a blast. Then going straight down your so pumped with adrenaline your just screaming "Yeah alright." I only peed a little bit.

Did I mention it's the fastest and tallest roller coaster in the world?

On Wednesday of that week I sent a reporter to Cedar Point. He did a report on a 78 year old man, with a Pacemaker, who was riding it at least 2 times a day throughout the month of August. You can watch the report HERE.

I don't see how he can do it. I think I would have trouble getting back on it even one more time. Did I mention that even though I love roller coasters, I hate heights? Ironic isn't it.



Yipes! Oddities in Ohio

And now for a page from "Ohio's Still Freakin' Weird"

Okay I know that's a Michigan plate, but we saw it on the way to Cedar Point, And Michigan is pretty freakin' weird too. I wonder why this guy just doesn't put a billboard on the side of his truck that says "Hey Cops! I probably got a Glock in here. Is it registered? Probably, but you're going to have to pull me over to find out for sure, and so I can bitch to you about my second amendment rights being violated while you're checking it out. Then I'll go home and blog all about it on the NRA boards. Did I mention I'm a veteran? Is this anyway to treat a Veteran?"

On the Way Back from Cedar point Morgan and I stopped by the Davis-Besse Nuclear Power Plant to pose for some pics. This is about a half an hour from our home. Did I mention that Ella has started to grow a third Arm out of here back? So her college is paid for right there, so that's good.

When we stopped to to take the Pics we were in the Parking lot of a little store, a drive-thru store. I mean you literally have the option to park and then walk inside or drive through the middle of the store to do your shopping.

It seems like it could be mildly convenient, maybe on some level, but in the end I'm guessing it's just a big hassle for the driver and the clerk "No not those chips the ones next to them. No up one. No over the other way now to your left. Oh and a two dollar lottery scratcher too."